God's Love Part 3 - Times of Refreshing

"With my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations." Psalms 89:1b

For the last few days, this exact scripture has appeared in my personal reading times, an online devotional I receive, and a book I'm reading. I clearly heard God telling me that I need to use my mouth to speak forth His faithfulness in my life. (Even as I prepare to type the next sentence, I find myself stuck for words.)

Simply put, there has never been a time God has not been faithful to me. It is who He is. He is FAITHFUL! He knew me before I was even conceived and because of His faithfulness to me He chose my parents, where I would live, who I would marry, and what children He would entrust to my care. Is that not mindboggling to think about??? I'm speechless.

About 3 weeks ago, I was priveleged to attend a women's retreat with very dear friends. I knew in my heart when I was asked to attend that I was supposed to be there, but I also knew that it was not great timing with our house project in full swing. Regardless, Kevin & I both felt I was to sign up & attend. The retreat was entitled "Loving Well" a Beth Moore Retreat. I assumed that I would simply learn to love others better than I was currently attempting to do. But, I had NO idea what God had in store for me - His FAITHFUL LOVE!

Driving to the retreat with 3 sweet friends, the question was asked "What are your expectations for this weekend?" My heart quickened immediately - I didn't want to answer as the tears hovered so close to the surface. I didn't want them to know how tired, broken, and weary I was. I was trying very hard to "keep the face" on - you know what I mean! I had absolutely no expectations since I didn't even know exactly what the retreat was about. I just knew that I needed to "retreat" from my circumstances so that I could be refreshed. And I honestly didn't know how much I needed to be refreshed.

If you read these posts with any regularity, you know that we are building a house. What you don't know is that it hasn't been an easy process at all. We have had many difficulties. We have been cheated, slandered, and treated unfairly. The stress of building a house coupled with these challenges has proven to test my endurance, perseverance, and faith. Physically my body had hit a wall by the time I was driving to this retreat & I was slowly crumbling. I shared with several people "I want to crawl in a hole right now. I am tired of thinking, doing, & being. Come get me when it's all over." I felt like I did immediately following the break-in of our home (which was exactly one year ago today) numb, shocked, and in a fog.

So arriving at the retreat, I was ready to lay in my bed & simply rest! The retreat was about loving others well, but the reason God had brought me there came out very clearly in the first few sessions. Here are a few notes I took:

"I cannot love others well, unless I am receiving God's love well. I cannot love well, until I feel well loved. I have to be absolutely convinced that I am well loved by GOD!!! When God is showing His love to me, do I recognize it? Do I experience it in my spiritual gut? If God's love is getting into my heart, it would be getting out to others! God's love is not something I just feel, it is WHO GOD IS! God's love is perfect."



Then the part that hit me like a ton of bricks:

"To the degree that I battle insecurity and anxiety means that I am NOT letting God's love reach it's goal in my life! I am not mature in God's love (how God loves us) if I am wrought with anxiety or insecurity. It is unbelief in God, His love, and His power. Unbelief is rooted in Pride." OUCH!!!!


Finally:

"How challenged is God to love me? Does He look at me and say 'I love you, but you are not open to receive it in your heart.' I am to LET GO and sit in His lap, His lap of JOY because God rejoices over me, He sings over me with His love."

To say that the last 18 months of my life have been filled with insecurity and anxiety may be an understatement. I have faced many challenges that I didn't know I could make it through. Because of the "stress", I haven't given myself time to let go and be refreshed by the one person who loves me more than I can possibly imagine, God! He is so faithful to love me, yet I have been missing it!

My big "aha moment" came when I realized that God is always loving me, but I am not very good at receiving it. I have known my whole life that "God is love", but at this retreat, God saturated me with His love so deeply that I experienced it in my heart in a new way. It's easy to know in your head that God loves you, but you have to receive it in your heart. When you do - it changes your life! I learned alot about loving others at this retreat, but God wanted me to learn to STOP, LET GO, and LET HIM LOVE ON ME!!! What a special gift!

Do you need a time of refreshing with the Lord? Do you need to STOP, LET GO, and ALLOW HIM TO LOVE YOU?? Do it!! NOW! Don't go another day without letting Him love on you. Allow yourself to receive it. It is absolutely wonderful. As you allow Him to love you, you will find that you can love others as He calls you to! LOVE WELL! Be refreshed! ....

GOD IS LOVE!